i lost my first patient today...

i wasn’t there when she died and i’m really glad that i wasn’t.  i know that i will have my share of those hard moments in my nursing career, but i’m not wishing them to come soon or in large numbers.

her name was agnes.

i watched her go downhill over the past few weeks. Last week she was able to talk to me but had difficulty spitting out her words and pretty much all i could do was stroke her forehead until she was able to calm down and fall asleep.  The one night I  took care of her this week she was unable to wake up enough to take her medications orally.  Even though she probably didn't know I was there, I still sat there and held her hand.

two things i want to say on this subject:

first, watching someone suffer is really, really hard when you can't take their pain away, even when it is someone i don’t know at all. i administer pain medication all the time but it is only temporary. 

all i can do is simply be there,

take care of their physical maladies the best way that i can with the training i have been given,

have faith in the miracle of healing,
help my patients feel of my hope for them.

and then, i have to accept my limitations in what i can and canNOT do to help. 

this is the hardest part.

second, i’m sooo blessed to have the gospel. it makes all the difference in how i see my trials and challenges (and other people’s trials), and it makes me try to push through hard things and know that I CAN do hard things….i’m not alone.

there is definitely Someone who can give so much more than a stroke on the forehead when life is tough.

and He's ALL about miracles~
i'm ready to share that knowledge when i arrive in tahiti in a few short months!!
I'll simply be there

with my many, many limitations (like not knowing how to speak french or tahitian at all...yet!)
i will do the best i can, given my skills and training as both a nurse and a missionary, to help alleviate suffering.

this is the greatest part.

can life get any better?

i think not....

 i’m the luckiest girl!

this is a story about a beautiful, young boy and his family that deal with a huge amount of suffering.  he receives excellent healthcare. thankfully, i just happen to know, they have the gospel too :)